I spent most of Monday fretting about the weather in Adelaide. Under normal circumstances this would have been a curious affliction. After all, I was sat in a North London showroom in sub- zero temperatures preparing for one of my most important appointments of the year. I tried to write a quick blog in the evening but I couldn’t fathom quite how I felt about our late declaration. I didn’t want to be negative after the excellent cricket we’d played for 4 days but everybody from Sir Ian Botham to Perksy was telling me it was going rain feral cats and dingo’s all day in Adelaide and we’d blown our chance.
It transpired that my worrying was little more than wasted energy (a bit like Ryan Harris bothering walk out to the wicket to bat). That’s energy I won’t get back (and nor will he) and will be chalked up in the same column as running for buses that I am destined to miss: Some things you just can’t effect.
My intention was to stay up for the first half hour with a mince pie and glass of wine and hope we picked up an early wicket... Then the wickets began to tumble, the adrenaline (and extra glasses of Chianti) kicked in and I was still up to celebrate victory at 1am and what an absolute bloody pleasure.
“Swan, Swan will tear you apart again” sang by the Army to the tune of Joy Division. Nobody does repetition better than the Barmy Army. If I could have been anywhere else on earth that night, it would have been under that scoreboard in South Australia.
The final winning margin of an innings and 71 runs is a handsome victory against anyone. We gave them one hell of a beating and it’s difficult to know where the Australians turn to next. My old friend ‘Clever’ Simon Katich picked up a nasty Achilles injury and he’s out of the series Both the back- up batsmen in their midst are rookie middle- order types so they’re likely to turn to the equally academic Philip Hughes. I guess if we keep an eye on his twitter account we’ll know if he’s been picked long before the selectors do. Opening partner Shane Watson will keep his place and no doubt make two starts without capitalising on either.
In the middle order, Ponting contributed 9 runs to the Australian cause this week but he’ll plaster on a fake veil of confidence and continue to plug away at number three. Fair play to The Pup, who showed a bit of fight and form in the second innings to make it one good knock from four whilst Hussey and Haddin continue to be the two best Australians on view. If you picked a team (on form) from both sets of players, they’d be the only two Aussie’s with a look in.
Further down the card the Aussie’s have a car crash to pick from. Average jobber Marcus North has probably seen his last chance slip away. No sympathy from me, he’s married to a Mackem: fuck him, good riddance. The new Shane Warne, Xavier Doherty, turned in figures of 1-158. He might have got KP out but KP had already made 227 runs and that’s alright by me. Back to Park Cricket for you my son.
Lastly, there’s the fast bowling ‘attack’ of Siddle, Harris and Bollinger??? I’m having a drawn out internal dialogue with myself but I just can’t seem to decide whether they’re absolutely terrible or completely useless and it could take me weeks to figure it out. Terrible or useless, terrible or useless??? There is only a cigarette paper between the two and I need more time to make a decision.
So, with the Katich change forced on the selectors, they’ve then got five other blokes there ranging from absolutely terrible to completely useless to carve out a line- up for Perth. Anyone thinking Ben Hilfenhaus is the answer is either the optimistic and brain- damaged ghost of Steve Irwin the Crocodile Hunter or Ben Hifenhaus’s Mum. They will definitely have to take a chance on ‘Slugger’ Johnson who can be a match winner even though in his current form wouldn’t get him into the Scotland side.
Meanwhile as Australia has to make between 3 and 6 changes, England’s only change will be for the injured Stuart Broad. I think we can all share in his pain. In stark contrast to the Canary Yellow’s, England have 3 pace bowlers all vying for that one place in the team. The first class match in Melbourne this week will be great to watch as Tremlett, Bresnan and Shazad (currently in that order) all stake their claims for a starting spot. Stuart Broad will hopefully be back for the World Cup and he has a long career ahead of him... Have a safe journey home Stuart – we salute you.
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